How Arguments Affect Children

Many parents make the mistake of believing their children are too young or naïve to absorb spats with their other half.

Yet, they will understand much more than you think, and the argument could affect their health, well-being, outlook, and future relationships.

You may recall your parents arguing and how it made you feel, such as sad, helpless or scared.

The last thing you want is for them to experience the same feelings, which could cast a shadow over a fantastic childhood.

Continue reading to find out how arguments can affect children.

Conflict Mimicking

Children often learn about relationships by observing their parents’ dynamics. If your son or daughter watches or listens to constant arguments, they could eventually believe that arguing is the only way to resolve conflict.

It may lead to naughty behaviour at home and determine how they approach disagreements with partners or friends in adulthood.

Feelings of Guilt

A therapist will be the first to tell you that conflict is often a triangle formed by a perpetrator, a victim, and a rescuer.

When a perpetrator attacks a victim verbally (or physically), a witness will want to help the victim. If your child watches an argument, they will likely want to stop it, but won’t know how to do so.

As a result, a child might struggle with guilt as they cannot resolve a conflict.

Resentment

Conflicts can force kids to grow up quickly, and they might feel their childhood was robbed away.

While the spats might have seemed harmless to parents, their children could resent them in adulthood, preventing families from maintaining a strong bond.

A Cynical Attitude

If arguments frequently occur between you and your partner, your children will view resolutions as temporary.

They will wait for an argument within the home and might become cynical about relationships, as they might believe a spat will arise in a matter of time.

As a result, they might self-sabotage in an adult relationship, as they might not want to enter a serious relationship to avoid being hurt. Alternatively, they might hurt their partner to avoid being hurt themselves.

Different Responses for Boys and Girls

Research has found that boys and girls respond differently to their parents’ arguments. It is believed boys are more likely to develop behavioural problems while girls could experience emotional issues.

However, constant arguments could cause boys and girls to worry that the conflict will escalate over time, or their parents might split up.

How to Stop Arguing in Front of Children

As you can see, arguments with your spouse can affect your children in various ways, such as feeling guilty for not helping or developing a cynical attitude towards relationships in adulthood.

While arguments can happen in relationships and sometimes be healthy, you should avoid spats in front of your children, if possible.

Teach your kids how to resolve conflict by aiming to be a good role model in your relationship.

For example, you must learn to compromise, respect your spouse’s boundaries, or put your differences aside.

If, however, you are in an abusive relationship, you shouldn’t hesitate to contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on the following freephone number: 0808 2000 247. Help is available for you and your children – you just need to ask for it.